Hammed Eds
by tailsdollsminion
Summary: This is actually the story Hamlet with an EEnE twist, but this website doesn't have a Hamlet category for the crossover. I hope you enjoy. Cast: Eddy as Hamlet Edd as Osric Ed as Claudius Plank and Johnny as Horatio Kevin as Laertes Sarah as Gertrude Nazz as Ophelia Jimmy as Polonius Rolf as Ghost and Gravedigger


Cast:

Eddy as Hamlet

Edd as Osric

Ed as Claudius

Plank and Johnny as Horatio

Kevin as Laertes

Sarah as Gertrude

Nazz as Ophelia

Jimmy as Polonius

Rolf as Ghost and Gravedigger

*All characters playing on stage at school play*

Scene 1

*Hamlet and Horatio enter*

Eddy (Hamlet): To be or not to be… Wow, this is a cliché line.

Edd (Osric): *whispers* Hamlet! It's part of the play!

Eddy (Hamlet): Whatever, Double D. *coughs* I shall avenge my father, King Hamlet! I will kill King Claudius once and for all! I swear!

Johnny (Horatio): Plank says that's a great idea!

*Gertrude, Claudius, Polonius, Ophelia and Osric enter and stand*

*Claudius takes wood sword out of back pocket and stabs Polonius with wood sword*

Jimmy (Polonius): Owie! Owie! *falls to ground*

Sarah (Gertrude): JIMMY!

Nazz (Ophelia): Father!

*runs away*

Scene 2

*Ophelia enters, everyone else leaves*

*Laertes enters*

Nazz (Ophelia): *sits down, with head down*

Kevin (Laertes): Sis, are you okay?

Nazz (Ophelia): Father has been stabbed.

Kevin (Laertes): WHAT?!

*Laertes leaves*

*Ophelia leaves, everyone else returns*

Kevin (Laertes): Alright, who killed my father Polonius?!

Ed (Claudius): I KNOW WHO KILLED JIMMY!

Kevin (Laertes): WHO?!

Ed (Claudius): It was this guy called… um… Ham Sandwich! He is my brother's son! Wait… a sandwich is related to me?

Kevin (Laertes): Ham Sandwich? Oh! It was Hamlet! THAT DORK!

Eddy (Hamlet): W-what are you guys talking about?

Johnny (Horatio): Hamlet is innocent! He didn't do anything wrong! What's that, Plank? He did?

Sarah (Gertrude): Guys! I just found this out! Ophelia just drowned!

Kevin (Laertes): ALRIGHT, THAT'S IT! HAMLET! YOU, ME, WE WILL SWORD FIGHT TO THE DEATH!

Eddy (Hamlet): FINE! IN A COUPLE HOURS!

*Hamlet and Horatio leave*

*everyone else leaves*

Scene 3

*Hamlet and Horatio enter in graveyard*

*Ghost of King Hamlet appears*

Rolf (Ghost of King Hamlet): Hello, Ham boy son!

Eddy (Hamlet): Father?

Rolf (Ghost of King Hamlet): Ham boy, you must avenge Rolf's death! Rolf's brother King Claudius poisoned Rolf when he was sleeping!

Eddy (Hamlet): Don't worry! I will avenge your death, father!

Rolf (Ghost of King Hamlet): Rolf is proud of you, Ham boy! *leaves stage*

Eddy (Hamlet): He's a nice guy. Why did he have to die anyway?

*Gravedigger and dead Ophelia enter*

Rolf (Gravedigger): Oh, hello! Rolf is digging this grave right here! Rolf is digging the grave for this girl named Ophelia who drowned recently.

Eddy (Hamlet): Hello!

Johnny (Horatio): Hi!

Rolf (Gravedigger): Hey, boys, Rolf's fellow companion has a theory that this girl committed suicide, but Rolf thinks it was accidental! What do you guys think?

Eddy (Hamlet): Uh…

Johnny (Horatio): Plank thinks it was accidental.

Rolf (Gravedigger): Hang on; Rolf sees a bunch of skulls in this one grave.

*picks up skull*

Eddy (Hamlet): *points at skull* who's this poor sucker?

Rolf (Gravedigger): Ah, this wee skull is Yorick!

Eddy (Hamlet): Yorick? I know him! I scammed him once, but that failed.

*picks up goat skull*

Rolf (Gravedigger): Victor? WHO KILLED VICTOR?!

*points at gravestone* YOU! DID YOU KILL VICTOR?! *points at another gravestone* DID YOU KILL VICTOR?! YOU LIKE KILLING ROLF'S GOATS DON'T YOU?!

Eddy (Hamlet): Uh, Rolf, I don't think that's Victor.

Rolf (Gravedigger): Oh.

Eddy (Hamlet): Well, anyway, see you later, Rolf. I'm off to kill my uncle!

Rolf (Gravedigger): See you later! Rolf wishes you good luck!

*everyone leaves stage*

Scene 4

*everyone enters, except Laertes and Hamlet*

*Hamlet enters with sword*

*Laertes enters with sword*

Kevin (Laertes): Alright, dork, are you ready?

Eddy (Hamlet): *brings out sword* I'm ready.

*swords clash, Hamlet swipes at Laertes's leg*

Edd (Osric): It… it looks like 1 point for Hamlet… Hey, Hamlet!

Eddy (Hamlet): What is it?!

Edd (Osric): I have a jawbreaker and some lemonade made for you.

Eddy (Hamlet): NOT NOW, DOUBLE D! I'M FIGHTING KEVIN!

Edd (Osric): *whispers in Eddy's ear* Uh, Eddy! You're using the wrong names! It's Osric and Laertes, not Double D and Kevin…

Sarah (Gertrude): *looks at lemonade* Mmm… yummy lemonade! *grabs lemonade*

Edd (Osric): Uh, Gertrude… You shouldn't drink that… it's po—

Sarah (Gertrude): I'll drink it if I like! *drinks lemonade*

*Gertrude falls on the ground*

Ed (Claudius): SARAH!

Eddy (Hamlet): So it's poison, huh? They were trying to poison me! *grabs jawbreaker, holds it* Oh, Ed! Jawbreaker!

Ed (Claudius): JAWBREAKER! JAWBREAKER! *eats jawbreaker*

Edd (Osric): NO! KING!

*Claudius falls to ground*

Edd (Osric): THE KING IS DEAD! *runs away*

Kevin (Laertes): Are you going to fight already, dork?

Eddy (Hamlet): Yes! And I'm going to win!

*swords clash*

Eddy (Hamlet): Are you ready to lose, SUCKER?

Kevin (Laertes): You killed the king! And my father! I will not let you win!

*Laertes stabs Hamlet with sword*

Eddy (Hamlet): OKAY, THAT IS IT!

*Hamlet pulls Laertes's sword out of his wound, stabs Laertes with his own sword*

Kevin (Laertes): You have won, Hamlet, by cheating!

Eddy (Hamlet): That's what a scammer does, Kevin! That's what a scammer does!

Kevin (Laertes): However, Hamlet, the sword I used was poison, and I slashed you with it, so now both of us are now poisoned. You only have a few minutes to live, and I am about to die.

Eddy (Hamlet): WHERE IS THE CURE?!

Kevin (Laertes): I don't have it, sorry. And you will not find the antidote in time either. *falls to the ground*

Eddy (Hamlet): Kevin! KEVIN!

*Horatio and Osric walk over to Hamlet*

Horatio (Johnny): HAMLET! YOU WON!

Eddy (Hamlet): I don't have much time to live. Kevin poisoned me with his sword.

Edd (Osric): That's what you get for killing the king!

Johnny (Horatio): No! You were one of my friends, Hamlet! Ever since that one time you scammed me!

Eddy (Hamlet): Luckily, I avenged my father's death, and I am happy… And when he ate the poison jawbreaker, I stole his wallet… That sucker…*takes out bag with dollar sign* since I have no longer to live, I want you to have it, Johnny.

Johnny (Horatio): *takes bag* thank you, Hamlet.

Eddy (Hamlet): *falls on ground*

Johnny (Horatio): Well, this was an interesting story. Everyone except you and me died, Osric!

Edd (Osric): Yeah…

Johnny (Horatio): Hey, since Hamlet is dead, want to become friends?

Edd (Osric): Sure.

*play ends, audience heard clapping*

*everyone in the cast appears, and bows to the audience*

Eddy: Now THAT was a cheesy play!

THE END


End file.
